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Post by Tashy on Mar 7, 2006 19:51:14 GMT 10
[glow=blue,2,300]I have created this thread to put our favourite lines.[/glow]
HISTORIES
Student 1: You’re reading a comic book. House: And you’re calling attention to your bosom by wearing a low-cut top. [looks up] Oh, I’m sorry, I thought we were having a state-the-obvious contest. I’m competitive by nature.
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Student 1: Doctor, why are you wearing that bird pin? House: It sets off my eyes
DETOX
House: No, but I have been feeling a little sick lately. Achoo! Anesthesiologist: There’s no way we can do this surgery now. Hourani: You think?!
SPORTS MEDICINE
House: It’s Hank Wiggen? [Takes the card and looks at it] He signed it, sweet. [Reads] “To Jimmy Wilson, the Cy Young of medicine.” You ask for that? Wilson: I-just the Jimmy part.
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[To receptionist] 5 p.m., Dr. House checks out. Cuddy: It’s 4:45. House: I was rounding up.
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House: Hi. I’m Dr. House. [walks over to Hank’s bed] And this is the coolest day of my life. [With an even bigger grin…he whips the covers off Hank’s bed!] See? Steroid use shrinks the testicles.
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Lola: He drops a clean urine, denies using steroids, then you’re giving him a drug for what, steroid abuse? House: …No, no, it’s not. It-it’s got calcium in it. It’s very good for the bones. [Lola looks skeptical] Basically, on a molecular level, it’s just milk.
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Lola: I made it a question just because it’s more polite. You got a big “Keep Out” sign stapled on your forehead. House: That explains it, I told them to put it on my door.
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House: Yeah. Right. True love. That’s just how we match organs these days. There’s a couple in France-high school sweethearts-they’re trading brains.
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House: Fine. I’ll ask one of my other friends. [gets up as Wilson snorts in disbelief, and he turns around.] What, you’re saying I’ve only got one friend? Wilson: Uh, and who…? House: [thinks a moment] Kevin, in Bookkeeping. Wilson: Okay, well first of all, his name’s Carl. House: I call him Kevin. It’s a secret “friendship club” name.
;D
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Post by houseaddict on Mar 11, 2006 14:05:06 GMT 10
[Dr. House is seeing a patient whose skin is bright orange seeking treatment for back pain] Dr. Gregory House: Unfortunately, you have a deeper problem. Your wife is having an affair. Orange patient: What? Dr. Gregory House: You're *orange*, you moron. And it's one thing for you not to notice, but if your wife hasn't picked up on the fact that her husband has changed colours, she's just not paying attention. ;D ;D
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Post by Tashy on Mar 11, 2006 20:56:31 GMT 10
hahahaha
CURSED
Cuddy: Male, spiking fever, congested chest and coughing up green sputum, pain in breathing – House: Baffling. Though I vaguely recall a disease called noomonia, numania? Cuddy: But his X-ray and CT scan show an atypical patten for pneumonia. House: Pneumonia! That’s it.
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Jeffery: You know why I give money to this hospital? It’s the only way to get attention. You see this? [He holds up his wrist.] House: Is this a magic trick? Because I am a total David Copperfield fan, although that “Tornado of Fire,” that seemed a little fake – Jeffery: Pain in the wrist. Won’t go away for months. [House pops a Vicodin.] Six doctors’ brilliant conclusion is to take it easy. I write a check, name goes on a plaque, and forty-eight hours later I’ve got two MRIs, a bone scan, and a diagnosis: carpal tunnel. I’m in surgery that afternoon. House: Fascinating story. You thought of adapting it for the stage?
CONTROL
Cameron: My Aunt Elisa lives in Philiadelphia. House: Oh, it’s storytime! Let me get my baba.
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House: Mr. Van Der Meer. [Dad is typing on his laptop.] What? [Dad types “wHats werong gwith ricky”] Relax, Ricky’s going to be just “finkf”.
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House to Vogler: So, as long as we’re stuck with each other, we might as well ignore each other. [He turns on the iPod and out comes “Hava Nagila”. The music is quickly turned off.] That wasn’t nearly as dramatic as I was hoping.
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Post by Keridwen on Mar 12, 2006 18:42:59 GMT 10
Ep 2.05: Daddy's Boy
Cameron: Why did you borrow $5000? Chase: Either a very bad night at poker or a very good night with a hooker. House: Thank you for saving me the trouble of deflecting a personal question with a joke.
Cameron: Who was that? House: Angelina Jolie. I call her mom. Who thinks that's sexy?
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Post by Tashy on Mar 17, 2006 19:58:41 GMT 10
hahaha. This man is hilarious.
Mob Rules:
So, just Joey? I was hoping for a nickname. Joey Mango. Joey the Wrench.
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House: Damn. ’65. Perfectly restored. What do you think a guy like Joey would do if someone turned down a gift? That’s kind of an insult, isn’t it? Wilson: He might hurt you. It’s definitely possible. House: I’m screwed. Gotta take the car.
Heavy:
Foreman: Ten year olds do not have heart attacks. It’s gotta be a mistake. House: Right. The simplest explanation is she’s a forty-year-old lying about her age. Maybe an actress trying to hang on.
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Wilson: So, any thoughts? House: On what? Sharon’s plan for Gaza?
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House: I’m thinking I can convince Vogler it would be more cost-efficient to let me keep all of them. Wilson: Yeah, you should be able to pull that off. Most billionaires aren’t very good with numbers. House: It will be more cost-efficient once I’ve grabbed Cameron’s ass, called Foreman a spade, and Chase… well, I can grab his ass, too.
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Lucille: I’ll have a huge scar! I won’t be able to wear a bikini! House: You wear a bikini now? Lucille: Yeah, you got a problem with that? House: Nope, but I’ve never gone swimming with you.
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Mr. Hernandez: [getting up] Excuse me, Dr. House? My wife saw you yesterday, Lucille Hernandez? House: Uh, he’s not in today. Mr. Hernandez: My wife said he walked with a cane. House: He’s also got a bit of a drug problem. Sometimes doesn’t show up for weeks.
;D
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Post by Keridwen on Mar 18, 2006 16:47:17 GMT 10
Hahahahahahaha!!
"You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a... I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor."
Can't think of the ep. LOL.
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Dru
Med Student
Chase love...because he really IS that pretty.
Posts: 98
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Post by Dru on Mar 18, 2006 23:15:29 GMT 10
House: What "something else" could lead to anion gap acidosis? Chase: Mudpiles. House: Well, you don’t have to ask. Just wash your hands before you come back. Chase: Methanol, uremia, diabetes… House: Oh, it’s a mnemonic. That makes sense, too.
House: Who wants to head over to the prison and find Clarence’s secret stash? [No one looks too thrilled.] Foreman: Fine, I’ll do it. House: Great, Chase it is. Chase: I assume you have a reason beyond wanting to make me completely miserable? House: You’ve got a prettier mouth. Better chance the inmates will open up to you.
House: I know you’re friends with her, but there is a code. Bros before hos, man.
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Post by Keridwen on Mar 20, 2006 1:01:20 GMT 10
I LOVE the bros before hoes one!!
That had me dying with laughter!!!
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Dru
Med Student
Chase love...because he really IS that pretty.
Posts: 98
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Post by Dru on Mar 20, 2006 12:21:03 GMT 10
Heee I know! Especially the look on his face while he says it!
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Post by Keridwen on Mar 20, 2006 19:14:33 GMT 10
Just thinking about it cracks me up.......... LMAO!
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Post by Tashy on Mar 25, 2006 20:39:49 GMT 10
lol
Role Model
Vogler: The Senator’s suffering from nausea, headache, and mental confusion. House: Yeah, bad sushi is so hard to diagnose. Vogler: You’re being childish. Look, if his case is as trivial as you think it’ll take you three minutes to diagnose him. House: Uh huh, three minutes that I could spend sitting on the toilet with the funny pages.
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Vogler: Eastbrook Pharmaceuticals has developed a new ACE inhibitor. I would like you to extol the virtues of this breakthrough medication. House: Eastbrook Pharmaceuticals… wait a second, don’t I own that company? Oh, no, that’s right, you do.
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Foreman: You wanna cut into his brain. House: Dangerous, I know. Especially as he’s a politician, his brain’s all twisted.
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House: Fine, have it your way. Immaculate conception. Sarah: Um, what do I do? House: Well, it’s obvious. Start a religion.
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Senator: W-what will the voters think? If they find out I’ve had a b-brain biopsy? House: This could leave you b-b-b-b-brain damaged, and you’re worried about NASCAR dads?
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Cameron: Do you think they pray to Him and praise Him because they want Him to know how great He is? God already knows that. House: Are you comparing me to God? I mean, that’s great, but just so you know, I’ve never made a tree.
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Cuddy: It’s a ten minute speech! House: That I’ve been ordered to give. Cuddy: Vogler’s drug works! House: Don’t care. Cuddy: Oh, why do you have to make everything so dramatic? [Elevator dings.] House: Because I’m a very high-strung little lapdog. [as he enters the elevator] Ruff ruff ruff, rarr, ruff!
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House: Mr. Vogler, would you like a free whole body scan? A man of your stature should get himself checked at least three times a year.
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House: [standing by the window.] You know, when the Inuit go fishing, they don’t look for fish. [Every looks at House for a bit, but he remains silent.] Wilson: [sighing] Why, Dr. House?
;D ;D ;D
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Post by Keridwen on Mar 26, 2006 19:11:31 GMT 10
LMAO - he's so funny.
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Post by Aly on Jun 5, 2006 11:41:15 GMT 10
I second that, Kate hehehe
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Post by Keridwen on Jun 10, 2006 20:16:02 GMT 10
omg I love this one from 'Skin Deep'
House: [hits Wilson in the leg with his cane] Wilson: Ow!! House: Aaaw. Do you miss Stacy too?
haha.
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Post by Tashy on Jun 19, 2006 1:57:06 GMT 10
hahaha yeah. Skin Deep is a great episode!!! ;D
I loooove this scene:
Dr. Wilson: House, this is God. Dr. House: Look, I'm a little busy right now. Not supposed to talk during these things. Got time Thursday? Dr. Wilson: Let me check. Oh! I got a plague. What about Friday? Dr. House: You'll have to check with Cameron. Dr. Wilson: Oh! Damn it! She always wants to know why bad things happen. Like I'm gonna come up with a new answer this time. [Cuddy bursts in] Dr. Cuddy: House... Dr. House: Quick God, smite the evil witch! Dr. Cuddy: Are you sitting on evidence that your patient was sexually abused by her father? Dr. House: God, why have you forsaken me?
lmao
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